The God’s Turbulent Night (Kanon’s Side)
The silence of the night descended, and Kanon lay on her bed in her room. The dimly lit space was illuminated only by the faint glow of moonlight streaming through the window. Clutching her smartphone, she replayed the events of the day in her mind.
She had cheated on Subaru. She had declared that she would date Reo. Yet here she was, feeling strangely unsettled.
“I really did something awful to Subaru-kun…”
She muttered to herself, though her words sounded more like a feeble excuse.
During their middle school days, Subaru had been kind. No, he was still kind. His considerate nature and reserved demeanor had always been comforting. He was the first to talk to her when she struggled to fit in with their class back then.
Studying together at a café, going to the movies, walking home side by side—she had countless memories with Subaru. Their relationship had naturally followed without any special turning point; it simply felt like the expected outcome for both of them.
But Kanon had realized something. Even after entering high school, Subaru hadn’t changed. He was still timid, lacking confidence, and hesitant to assert his feelings. Just being “gentle and kind” was no longer enough for her. Perhaps she had become dissatisfied because she herself had changed.
Kanon closed her eyes, still lying on her bed.
Her recent experiences with Reo played in her mind like a vivid film.
After they had enjoyed shopping in town, Reo had suddenly invited her somewhere.
“Let’s spend a little more time together. We’re just getting started, right?”
Kanon hesitated at his words but ultimately nodded. Though a small part of her resisted Reo’s assertiveness, she was even more drawn to his passion.
When she stepped into the hotel room, her heart raced.
“Let’s take a little break.”
Reo said it as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Without thinking twice, Kanon went along with it. In fact, she found herself surprisingly yielding to the flow.
The moment his arm wrapped around her shoulders, Kanon felt a faint resistance in her heart, quickly overwhelmed by an even stronger sense of anticipation.
(If it were Subaru-kun… he wouldn’t be so forceful.)
As soon as that thought crossed her mind, a pang of guilt for Subaru flashed through her. But she shook it off and closed her eyes.
Reo’s warmth and heartbeat erased her hesitation. His intense gaze and the touch of his hand filled her with a sense of being “needed.”
(To be desired like this… maybe only Reo…)
Words like these echoed in the depths of her heart.
After everything fell into silence, Kanon realized she had crossed a new boundary.
Lying in bed, she gazed at Reo’s sleeping face.
(Was this really the right choice…?)
She felt a sense of fulfillment, but at the same time, every thought of Subaru brought a faint guilt that gnawed at her.
Her eyes fell on a small strap on her desk. It was a gift from Subaru during the cultural festival, a token of his thoughtfulness. But she couldn’t bring herself to pick it up.
(Subaru-kun and I weren’t compatible. I needed someone who could take the lead, someone who truly needed me…)
She repeated these words in her mind, knowing they were just excuses to justify betraying Subaru.
Then, her phone vibrated. It was a message from Reo.
[Reo: Hey, are you still awake?]
Seeing his words on the screen, Kanon’s heart skipped a beat. She quickly typed a reply.
[Kanon: Yeah, I’m awake. What’s up?]
A few seconds later, Reo called.
[Hey, Kanon. I just wanted to hear your voice.]
Kanon smiled involuntarily at his casual tone.
“It’s rare for you to call this late.”
[Well, the new semester starts tomorrow, and I was hoping we could be in the same class.]
“Yeah, that would be nice…”
Reo’s words were always straightforward. She was captivated by his confidence in expressing his feelings, something she felt Subaru could never do.
[I just wanted to hear your voice before bed. Good night, Kanon.]
After the call ended, Kanon held her phone to her chest with a satisfied smile.
“This is the right choice…”
She imagined her future with Reo. She felt excited by the thought of being swept away by his forceful and bold nature, even though it sometimes overwhelmed her. And she felt special, like she was being treated differently than she had been with Subaru.
But a fleeting image of Subaru appeared at the edge of her dream. He was always so gentle and considerate, always putting her first.
“It’s over now…”
She whispered to herself, trying to convince herself. Then, she looked at the strap on her desk.
“I don’t need this anymore…”
She reached out but stopped halfway. A tiny part of her still hesitated to completely erase the memories she had with Subaru.
Shaking off that feeling, Kanon turned off the lights.
“I’m sure there will be better things waiting for me in the new semester.”
She whispered to herself and closed her eyes.
But tonight, it took her longer than usual to fall asleep.