Chapter 5: The Aftereffects of the Confession (Kanae’s Point of View)
The night I was confessed to, I could barely sleep.
No, more accurately, I think I did sleep, but it felt like I had so many dreams that I ended up even more exhausted.
The room I see through half-open eyes is still dim, and the alarm clock by my bed shows an early-morning hour.
Lying there, I groggily try to gather the fragments of the dreams I was just having.
They were memories from my life so far, or reenactments of memorable scenes from dramas and movies I’ve seen. What all those mixed-up, collage-like dreams had in common was that they always had me and Yuki-kun at the center.
For example, in a classroom at dusk, middle school Yuki-kun hugs present-day me and says,
`“Kanae, I’ve loved you for a long time.”
Then the scene changes, and now we’re in an elementary school gym, where high school me and Yuki-kun are holding hands during a school assembly.
Suddenly, the setting shifts again, and I’m being chased by zombies in the middle of town, only for present-day Yuki-kun to save me with strength.
And then next, we’re in my living room, watching TV together while Yuki-kun has an arm around my shoulders…
Dream memories fade and blur as time passes, but the most striking parts feel emphasized instead, like they’re burned into me.
Especially that last image of us, looking just like a couple or even a married pair, is probably something I’ll never forget.
“Haa… this is all Yuki-kun’s fault…”
My face starts heating up again. Deep in my chest it feels ticklish, and the overwhelming embarrassment makes me writhe around on the bed.
I knew Yuki-kun’s confession was shocking, but I never thought I’d dream about it too.
At this rate, there’s no way I won’t be conscious of Yuki-kun when I see him at school today.
“Maybe I should just get up…”
There’s no point lying here anyway, so I might as well get ready for school. It’s still early, but my mom’s probably already up making my dad’s breakfast and seeing him off.
Thinking that, I get out of bed, leave my room, and head downstairs. Sure enough, my mom is already awake.
“Oh my, you’re up early.”
“Yeah, I woke up.”
“That’s rare. But I guess if you were in a club too, Kanae, you might’ve been getting up this early every day for morning practice.”
I know that’s a little jab at me for oversleeping sometimes, so I feel a bit awkward.
But something about my mom’s words makes me think of something else, and my attention shifts.
Morning practice… Yuki-kun from the soccer club said he has it almost every day. Does he really get up around this time and leave the house?
“…Maybe I’ll just go to school.”
“Huh? What’s wrong? Do you actually have some kind of morning practice?”
“Eh, no, not really… You know, I’m going anyway, so I thought once in a while might be fine.”
“I-I see… Well, breakfast’s already ready, so it’s not a problem or anything…”
My mom says that, looking extremely confused.
Ugh… it’s true I usually sleep until the last minute, and even I think this is sudden, but that reaction’s a little harsh.
…But I’m going.
I get ready for school and leave the house right away.
The familiar route to school. Walking it for the first time since yesterday’s trip home, I can’t help remembering what happened, and it makes me restless.
“I wonder if Yuki-kun already passed through here…”
Our houses are close and we go to the same school, so we share the same route. Maybe we’ll run into each other by chance. Thinking that, I look around restlessly, searching for Yuki-kun.
“Did he already go on ahead…?”
When I don’t see Yuki-kun, I can’t tell if I’m disappointed or relieved.
But I’ll definitely see him once I get to the classroom. What should I do? How am I supposed to act around Yuki-kun?
He went out of his way to confess to me, and I turned him down, so acting like nothing happened feels wrong. But awkwardly avoiding him doesn’t seem right either.
“What would Yuki-kun want me to do?”
If possible, I don’t want to make Yuki-kun feel bad. But that’s something I won’t know unless I ask him.
What should I do, what should I do…
While I’m agonizing over that, I realize I’ve already arrived at the front of the school.
Just how focused was I, anyway…
Feeling both pathetic and embarrassed, I hurry toward the entrance.
Then, in the schoolyard along the way, I see that the soccer club Yuki-kun belongs to is having morning practice.
I wonder if Yuki-kun’s there?
I glance over and try to find him, but I can’t really tell from here.
Somehow, I really want to see Yuki-kun playing soccer again, so I hurry toward the floor where my classroom is.
When I reach the top of the stairs, I notice the sinks at the end of the hallway. My hands are sweaty this early in the morning, so I decide to wash them first.
Standing at the sinks, I take out my hand towel to dry my hands, hold it in my mouth, and wash my hands by rubbing them together.
As I dry my wet hands with the towel and enter the classroom, I’m surprised by how few people are there. Including me, there are only five.
I haven’t really talked much with any of them, but I timidly murmur, “Good morning…” and a boy nearby nods back at me.
I put my bag down at my seat and look out at the schoolyard through the classroom window.
“Yuki-kun… ah, there he is.”
I spot Yuki-kun in front of the goal. It looks like they’re lined up and taking turns practicing shots, and I get to see Yuki-kun kick the ball and score. They used to practice that back in middle school too, didn’t they?
That’s when a thought suddenly occurs to me.
Come to think of it, I haven’t watched Yuki-kun play soccer much since I started paying attention to Souta-kun. Before that, I used to watch him a lot.
When we were much younger, I remember thinking Yuki-kun looked so cool kicking a soccer ball, and I’d squeal about it. Thinking back on it now is a little embarrassing.
Could it be that Yuki-kun kept playing soccer because I said he was cool? That kind of shameless self-flattery pops into my head, and I end up really hating myself.
After all, I turned down Yuki-kun’s confession that he made just for me, so thinking like that is strange, right?
Feeling gloomy, I lower my gaze. When I raise my face again after a while, the schoolyard has somehow emptied out.
“H-Huh?”
Is morning practice over? Wait, it’s already this late? Then that means Yuki-kun’s about to come here.
When I check the clock, a lot of time has already passed.
I panic and fidget, not knowing what to do, and then, on reflex, I turn my eyes toward the classroom entrance. At that moment…
“Ah…”
“Huh…?”
Just as Yuki-kun comes into the classroom, our eyes meet so clearly there’s no pretending it didn’t happen.
My mind goes completely blank, and after we stare at each other for a moment, I quickly turn my face away.
M-My face feels hot… It’s probably red, right? Did he notice?
When I sneak a glance toward Yuki-kun, he’s already turned his back and is leaving the classroom.
Huh… where’s he going? Could it be because our eyes met?
A chill runs down my back, and a sharp pain jolts through my chest.
I feel restless and can’t sit still. Where did Yuki-kun go? Would it be weird to chase after him? Ah, but if I say I’m just going to the bathroom or the sinks…
I’m not chasing after Yuki-kun. I just happen to have something to do in the hallway.
Thinking that like an excuse to myself, I grab my hand towel and follow after Yuki-kun.
Just like yesterday, after his confession on the way home, when I chased after Yuki-kun’s back as it grew farther away…