The Person Named Ayaka
“Do you think he’ll come today too?”
“He’s probably starting to crack mentally by now, right?”
“Well, he made Ayaka cry, so it’s only natural.”
Mocking laughter echoed through the mostly empty classroom.
No one stepped in to stop those girls. Everyone stayed silent and tried not to draw attention.
How did it end up like this?
I was dumped harshly by Yuuki and I cried. My friends apparently saw me, and the next morning they went and cornered Yuuki.
I had stayed home that day because I felt sick, so I do not know exactly what happened, but from what I heard later, Yuuki had strongly scolded my friends.
I thought that was only natural. I hurt Yuuki badly with a fake confession, so being angry was understandable. My friends, though, could not accept it.
Misuzu, who confronted Yuuki directly, was furious when he called their relationship playing at friendship. She said she could not forgive him for that.
“Ayaka, I am sorry for letting you go out with someone like that. I never thought he was that kind of person. Even if it was a punishment game, it went too far.”
When Misuzu said that, I could only manage an awkward smile.
Those were the words Yuuki should have spoken.
Yuuki probably never imagined I was such a terrible person.
The one punished by the game was not me, it was Yuuki.
“Shouldn’t we make him regret it a little more?”
“Yeah, I want him to think about it more, but if we take it too far at school we might get in trouble.”
As I stayed quiet, the conversation moved on without me and they began plotting to push Yuuki even further.
I have to say something now.
I thought that, but my mouth would not open.
Just like Yuuki said, I am the kind of weak person who goes along with others.
I am scared.
I am frightened of becoming that empty version of myself again.
Even now, I might still be hollow inside. If I lose this polished exterior, these friends, and my place in class, I will truly have nothing left.
On top of that, if I speak up and end up isolated or bullied, I will have nowhere to go. That thought makes it even harder to speak.
I am scared. It hurts.
I know I should say something, but I cannot make my mouth move.
“This is not what I wanted. Stop bullying Yuuki. We were the ones who did everything wrong.”
I have rehearsed saying that so many times, but I never could.
“Hey, wasn’t his part-time job at a café?”
“Oh yeah, that’s right.”
“Then why don’t we go there and make a scene while he’s working? Let’s take away his place to belong.”
I cannot bring myself to stop this horrible conversation.