The Warmth of a Father’s Hand
“Hey, Yuuki-kun. The air is so clear. Don’t you think it looks really beautiful?”
“Yes, it does.”
Yuuki, Yume, and Kyousuke had come on the trip they had talked about before. Even though they called it a trip, they weren’t staying long.
It was a short trip of one night and two days.
The trip Yume mentioned while walking to school with Yuuki, saying it was still a while away, ended up happening surprisingly soon.
There were various reasons, but the biggest issue was Yuuki’s mental state.
Yuuki thought he was hiding it, but even though Yume and Kyousuke couldn’t tell exactly what was wrong, they knew he’d been worrying about something. They could see it in his words and in the moments when he showed his unease.
Thinking that if they left him alone like this something irreversible might happen, Kyousuke and Yume moved the schedule up to get Yuuki away from his home and his school.
“Yuuki-kun. It might be hard, but how about forgetting everything for today and just having fun for now?”
“…Yes.”
Worries and anxiety cling to a person for what feels like a lifetime until they fade. Yume knew they wouldn’t disappear just because someone told him to forget them, but she wanted to help Yuuki somehow, so she said those words.
Yuuki accepted Yume’s words and nodded, but of course they didn’t disappear. It was because he understood all too well how much Kyousuke and Yume were worrying about him.
If it had been his actual mother, Aika, or his sister Rei, Yuuki wouldn’t have felt anything at all. He would’ve felt irritated instead, and he didn’t expect them to care about him in the first place.
“Ah, Yuuki-kun. Let’s go over there.”
“Okay.”
Seeing Yuuki still troubled, Kyousuke took his hand and started walking with him.
Yuuki gently squeezed back the large, reassuring hand Kyousuke offered.
When he held Kyousuke’s hand, he felt his anxiety and worries weaken. He didn’t want to belittle Kyousuke’s words, but more than anything, that hand was warm.
Yume watched them with envy, but she knew taking Yuuki’s hand here would only be a bad move for her. Even though it frustrated her, she didn’t take his hand and simply walked beside them.
After they finished looking around and their legs were starting to get tired, they stopped exploring and headed to the inn to take a break.
“Ah, I’m going to look around inside the inn for a bit, so Dad and Yuuki-kun can relax here.”
Saying that, Yume left the room, leaving Yuuki and Kyousuke alone.
Yuuki thought he should thank Kyousuke properly and was about to speak when Kyousuke opened his mouth first.
“Yuuki-kun. Did you have fun today?”
“Um, yes. I had fun.”
Ever since holding Kyousuke’s hand, Yuuki’s worries and anxiety had eased, so he was able to enjoy himself much more than when he first arrived.
But sitting face to face with Kyousuke like this, he couldn’t help thinking about today, about everything up to now, and about what might happen next. Knowing he relied on Kyousuke too much made him step back a little.
“Yuuki-kun.”
“Yes.”
“You know, I really think of you as my son.”
Kyousuke spoke gently, as if talking directly to Yuuki’s heart.
“But the truth is, I’m a pretty helpless father. I’m the kind of slow, clueless parent who won’t know unless you tell me.”
“That’s not true!”
“It is. Even now, I don’t know what you’re struggling with.”
When Kyousuke said that, Yuuki fell silent.
He had been seen through. And if he talked about it, he would end up relying on Kyousuke again, no, forever.
Thinking that, he still couldn’t bring himself to speak.
“Yuuki-kun. Please rely on me. I don’t want regrets. I don’t want to ever think I should’ve done this or that. I want to do anything I can. You’re my son, and I don’t ever want to lose you.”
Kyousuke spoke firmly from the heart.
“For my sake, will you talk to me? I want to be someone who can help you, and I want to stay your father.”
Kyousuke looked at Yuuki with serious eyes.
Yuuki took in Kyousuke’s expression, his eyes, his words. Hearing those genuine feelings, he found the resolve to speak and slowly began talking.
“Father, I feel like I’ve been relying on you too much.”
He spoke slowly, as if scared.
“I’ve always depended on you, so I feel bad for relying too much. That’s why I thought maybe I should handle the things at home and the things happening at school on my own.”
Kyousuke listened to Yuuki’s words until the end.
“So, um, I’m… sorry.”
Yuuki lowered his head.
Unable to hold back, Kyousuke moved next to him and gently embraced him.
“You don’t need to apologize. You’re not relying too much. I want you to depend on me.”
Yuuki was surprised by Kyousuke’s tearful voice, but the warmth of his arms comforted him.
“I might be an unreliable father, but I want to help you as much as I can.”
“Okay.”
“And a child not being able to rely on their parents isn’t right. You can be selfish. It’s fine to trouble me a little.”
Yuuki had finally said what he couldn’t say before, and Kyousuke’s warm arms and words washed over him.
As everything overflowed inside, a few tears eventually spilled from Yuuki’s eyes and rolled down his cheeks.
To others, things like relying too much or not being able to rely might seem trivial or childish.
But Kyousuke swept away the worries that had been tormenting Yuuki these past few days.
“And you know, a father who isn’t relied on by his son is a failure. So from now on, if something troubles you, come to me. Let me be your father.”
“Okay.”
Seeing Yuuki nod like a small child, Kyousuke smiled and gently patted his head.
That hand was warm and comforting like the sun, and Yuuki wished it would never leave as he let himself be held.
From inside, I could faintly hear Yuuki-kun and my father’s voices.
I thought it was better not to step into their moment right now. It was the mature thing to do, but it still made me feel a little sad that I couldn’t be there with them.
I thought maybe I should just go in, but I decided it would be wrong to interrupt their time together, and I believed that was the best choice.
While thinking that and leaning against the wall, the door opened, and my father took my hand.
“I knew you were here. Yume, you’re also my precious daughter. Don’t stay out here. Come talk with us.”
“But…”
“Kids shouldn’t be worrying about adults.”
When my father pulled me into the room, I met Yuuki-kun’s eyes, and I could see faint tear tracks on his cheeks.
“Um, Yume-san.”
“What?”
“Thank you… for everything.”
Those words alone were enough to save me.