Chapter 19: Dejected (Yukiya’s Point of View)
After a blissful lunch break, I was stopped by Souta near the stairs.
“Hey, Yukiya. You’d better stop hanging around Kanae.”
I was startled by how blunt he was, but I understood what he meant right away.
It didn’t seem like Souta and Kanae were officially dating yet. Even so, from my position, the situation was still painfully awkward.
It had been two days since I’d been rejected by Kanae. Yeah, only two days.
And yet, starting with this morning’s “I’ll take responsibility” declaration, then the “fuu fuu incident” during break, the “happy lunch break” just now, and on top of that, we’d even made plans to walk home together after school.
From my standpoint, I couldn’t stop agonizing over whether any of that was really okay.
And to someone like me, Souta said this.
“I told you before, right? Kanae has someone else she’s interested in, so it’s a nuisance for you to keep hovering around.”
Those words made me freeze.
Someone else she’s interested in. Hearing that directly from Souta made it hurt even more.
That same Souta glared at me, almost like he was trying to intimidate me.
Damn it.
It felt like everything that had happened since this morning was coming back to bite me. I’d leaned on the excuse that Kanae had initiated it all and, despite my confusion, I’d gone along with it.
This was something I had to face sincerely myself.
“Yeah, I know… actually, I confessed to Kanae two days ago…”
“Huh…?”
Souta’s eyes went wide.
“Of course, she turned me down, though.”
“Hah? What the hell. So you got rejected? You did get rejected, right? If you got rejected, then…”
Souta raised his voice a little, but he also looked oddly relieved. So Souta too…
“Y-yeah… but I’ve liked her since we were little, and I just couldn’t give up on Kanae that easily…”
I knew it sounded pathetic, but it wasn’t something I could neatly wrap up in just two days.
“And today at lunch, maybe she was being considerate, but Kanae was the one who invited me…”
“It doesn’t matter who invited who. If you got rejected, then don’t get involved with her ever again. That’s how it usually works, right?”
Honestly, this was my first time confessing and my first time being rejected, so I didn’t really know what “normal” was. Judging by how Souta put it, maybe I really was clinging too much.
Then Souta continued, sounding exasperated.
“I don’t know who the person Kanae likes is either, but your actions could make that person misunderstand things and end up causing trouble for Kanae, you know?”
He was completely right. It was a perfectly valid point.
Even after getting rejected, I’d somehow felt like Kanae was closing the distance with me. I’d used that as fuel for hopeful fantasies about getting another chance or making a comeback, but this was probably reality.
I just muttered, “Yeah, you’re right,” and headed back to the classroom.
Once lunch break ended, all that was left were fifth and sixth period. During the break between them, it was only natural that I got teased about lunch.
“Man, Yukiya finally debuted in the courtyard, huh?”
“So, how was spending lunch in the courtyard?”
My classmates laughed with the same energy as they had that morning.
“Haha, I’m not telling.”
Was I actually smiling properly?
During afternoon classes, my eyes met Kanae’s, and just like in the morning, we secretly waved to each other.
Was I waving properly?
While feeling uneasy about my own uncertainty, the day’s classes ended, homeroom finished, and before I knew it, it was after school.
I hurriedly escaped the classroom under the pretense of heading to club activities. As I walked through the hallway bustling with students going home, all I could think about was Kanae.
I like Kanae and want to date her. But I don’t want to be a burden to her either. I know it’s childish and selfish. What should I do? What do I really want?
No, if it came down to which one I should prioritize, it had to be Kanae.
It hurt terribly. The thought that I wouldn’t be the one standing next to her, making her smile and making her heart race, made my chest ache deep down. Even so, if that was what Kanae wanted and she could be happy, then that was fine.
Because I love her, I should step back. No, that wasn’t quite right. I wasn’t stepping back at all. Even with the feeling that Kanae might’ve liked Souta from the start, I’d pushed forward anyway, and that was why I’d been rejected.
“Ahh, I’m scared to go home…”
A bitter smile slipped out.
What kind of face was I supposed to make while walking home with Kanae?
But even so, a promise was a promise. Kanae said she’d wait for my club activities to end, and I’d walk home with her, prepared to think of today as the last time.
With that unnecessarily grim resolve, I headed to my club activities.
But in that mental state, there was no way I could perform well. I was unfocused throughout practice, got warned by the coach, snapped at by the manager, and my teammates looked genuinely worried about me.
To top it off, the coach even said, “I don’t know what happened, but go home and get some rest,” so it seemed my mental state was obvious.
I changed back into my uniform and left the club room.
Now that club activities were over, it was finally time to contact Kanae.
I took out my phone and called her.
“Ah, hello, Yuki-kun? Are you done with club activities?”
Hearing the lively voice of the girl I love right by my ear filled me with an indescribable feeling.
“Yeah, I just finished. Um… is it okay if we talk like this for a bit?”
“Eh, sure. But I’ll come over to you right away, okay?”
From what she said, it sounded like Kanae was in the student council room.
“No, I’d prefer it if we stayed like this.”
“O-okay.”
Maybe she sensed something from my tone, because Kanae’s voice seemed to stiffen too.
“Uh… actually, today Souta said something to me. He told me that since Kanae has someone she likes, I shouldn’t stick around you so much…”
I could hear Kanae catch her breath on the other end of the line. Feeling ashamed of my own inadequacy, I continued.
“Souta definitely thinks of you as someone special… I think you and Souta are probably in love with each other…”
In love with each other. What an awkward phrase. I’d never realized how difficult and bitter it could be to put something like this into words.
“I’m really sorry about all this… in the first place, it’s my fault for doing something unnecessary like confessing to you, and now it’s turned into a situation where Souta has to warn me…”
This tangled mess was undoubtedly my own fault. If it ended up souring the relationship between Kanae and Souta, I wouldn’t be able to bear it.
So I was about to continue by saying that it’d be better if we didn’t walk home together when…
“…p-please, don’t say it was unnecessary…”
Kanae’s unsteady, wavering voice sent a chill down my spine. Was she crying?
“…I-I was… really, really happy…”
Hearing her sniffle made it feel like I couldn’t breathe.
Then Kanae said,
“Yuki-kun… I-I have something I want to tell you…”
The desperation in her voice came through even over the phone, completely overwhelming me.
“P-please, listen to me… I’m begging you…”
“Y-yes.”
I answered reflexively.
Of course I did. If Kanae asked me for something, I had no choice but to say yes.
And so, just as originally planned, I ended up waiting for Kanae to come.
From that moment on, what Kanae wanted to tell me had me utterly on edge.