Chapter 56: Shinjou Saya 5
My doubts grew little by little, but they kept increasing all the same.
At first, I was certain that Yuuki-kun would never do things like groping or taking secret photos, but being told the same thing day after day made me start wondering, what if.
What made everything decisive was what happened that day.
That morning, we had P.E.
I believed forgetting something was absolutely unacceptable for me, so I was sure I’d put my gym clothes in my bag.
But when it was time for P.E. and I went to change, my gym clothes were gone, and I remember panicking badly.
For the me of that time, when everyone valued Shinjou Saya, it was incredibly embarrassing, like the ground beneath my feet was crumbling.
That day, I explained the situation to the P.E. teacher and was reprimanded.
I was scared, and I didn’t want to betray anyone’s expectations. I was afraid my bullying would be exposed, and I didn’t even want it made public, so I kept everything quiet.
Even a mistake that small was unbearable to me.
The doubts that had piled up and my ugly pride ended up hurting Yuuki-kun.
“Shinjou-san!! Please come with me for a moment.”
“Huh? W-what is it?”
It was lunchtime.
After finishing lunch, I was reading a book in the classroom when a teacher came over to me.
I thought it might be a simple request, but the place I was taken to was Yuuki-kun’s classroom.
I couldn’t understand why I was being brought to the class of someone from a different grade.
The classroom was buzzing, and at the center were Yuuki-kun, several boys, a teacher, and my missing gym clothes lying there.
“You sexual criminal!! What were you planning to do, taking the student council president’s gym clothes like that?”
“I didn’t do anything like that!!”
Yuuki-kun desperately insisted on his innocence, but what was there was undeniably my gym clothes.
“You got close to the student council president and thought you could get away with doing this in secret, huh?”
“S-Saya-senpai, I really didn’t do anything like that. Please believe me.”
Yuuki-kun looked at me with eyes that clung to me for help.
But there were the stares of everyone around us and the physical evidence right in front of me.
Doubt, the shame of being dragged into something so humiliating, and so many other feelings mixed together, and tears spilled from my eyes.
Of course, I considered the possibility that Yuuki-kun hadn’t done it.
But my ugly heart, covered in gilding, chose the image of the perfect student council president over him, cut Yuuki-kun off, and at my very worst, I said this.
“I can’t believe you. I believed in you, Yuuki-kun.”
Let me talk about what happened after that.
Yuuki-kun’s standing at school fell to rock bottom.
It could’ve turned into a police matter, but instead, a teacher contacted Yuuki-kun’s parents. He received a severe warning, a one-week suspension, and was, of course, removed from the student council.
No one went near him, and anyone who did approach him would hit or kick him.
It was horrific bullying.
It was as if the entire school was bullying him.
At the time, I didn’t stop it or speak out. I silently allowed it to happen.
I even thought that him approaching me and saving me from bullying had been for my body, that he was a sexual criminal, and that he’d tarnished the signboard of the perfect student council president.
And yet, there was always anxiety and regret in my heart.
More than anything, when I said those words to Yuuki-kun, the look of despair on his face burned itself into me.
I couldn’t forget that expression.
If I was being bullied, then I was never perfect to begin with. I was a fool who kept taking on unnecessary responsibilities and convincing myself I had to be perfect. I only realized it would’ve been better to let that be exposed after everything was over and I learned the truth.
It was around February, when my future plans were decided and all that was left was graduation.
The bullying against Yuuki-kun had shifted from violence to quiet exclusion. The violence had gone too far, and the school had been warned by Yuuki-kun’s guardian, or maybe someone else, I didn’t know who.
It happened when the student council members gathered in the student council room to make one last memory together after not meeting for a while.
I’d been asked to do something by a teacher and arrived late. When I put my hand on the door to open it, I heard voices coming from inside.
“Still, things worked out pretty well back then.”
“He was in the way anyway. He didn’t match.”
“Exactly. He was just a junior acting all high and mighty. There’s no way someone like him was a match for Saya-san.”
He.
Could it be…
“He was way too familiar with Shinjou-san, and even the guys in his own grade hated him, so they jumped right on our plan and helped set him up.”
“I mean, even if we hadn’t done anything, I heard he did all sorts of stuff back in elementary school, so wouldn’t this have happened on its own?”
“Guess he was a sexual criminal to the core.”
I heard loud laughter.
There was no doubt they were talking about Yuuki-kun.
Terrified, I let go of the door handle and ran away.
Everything became frightening.
I was scared of myself, and I was scared of everyone around me.
Even though the one who must’ve been the most frightened was Yuuki-kun.
I ran away.
I was afraid of learning the truth.
As long as I stayed an ignorant victim, I didn’t have to be scared.
Looking back now, I remembered thinking that people felt strangely close to me after Yuuki-kun disappeared from the student council room. Now I understood why.
But I’d already learned the truth.
Even so, I’d already established myself as the victim.
How could I show my face now and say it wasn’t true. The one who decisively branded Yuuki-kun as a sexual criminal was none other than me.
Saying it was a mistake would never look good, no matter how I put it.
…Even at that point, I was still looking for an escape for myself.
What I should’ve done then was spread the truth properly and help Yuuki-kun.
I should’ve admitted my mistake, admitted that I wasn’t a perfect, flawless person, and stopped hiding it.
But I got scared and ran away.
Without really understanding why, I ran until I reached the place where I’d often been bullied.
And there,
“Yuu… Yuuki-kun.”
Yuuki-kun was there, staring up at the sky with vacant, hollow eyes.
When I called his name, he turned toward me.
“It’s been a while, Shinjou-senpai. You shouldn’t come near me. I’m a criminal, after all.”
He said it with a tired expression.
“…I’m sorry.”
“Huh?”
He looked a little surprised.
“I found out. That you didn’t do it, Yuuki-kun.”
Hearing that, Yuuki-kun looked surprised.
“I see.”
He listened, thought about many things, stayed silent for a few minutes, and then said,
“…Shinjou-senpai. Please do your best in high school too.”
He said it with a smile, with the same smile as back then.
And that was when I misunderstood.
I thought I’d been forgiven because of that smile.
I really was stupid and trash.